No you cannot fix your entire life at 2am. Go to bed.
You can fix some of it though! By going to bed.
Ever since I read a post saying “don’t trust yourself after 9pm” whenever I find myself spiralling at 2am I check the time, see it’s after 9pm, and remember not to trust myself and just go to sleep. Works wonders. The problems are never as bad in the morning.
[ID. Video shows a man in a bamboo hat and traditional clothes rowing a sampan (a long flat passenger boat) full of tourists beneath a very low bridge over a canal. The tourists all duck, while the man simply climbs off the back of the boat onto the bridge, calmly walks to the other side, and waits for the end of the boat to float out from under the bridge. Everyone exclaims in delight as he jumps from the bridge onto the boat. The man turns and gives the camera a peace sign. End video description.]
This all happened a long time ago, and my memory is imperfect, but here’s my memory: The cock monologue certainly hurt my feelings! But when people are trying to force someone out of a virtual space, they sometimes resort to behavior that is similar to bullying except it’s not completely identical to bullying because the person they’re making fun of has a lot of power. (As someone who got bullied a lot in school, the feeling was similar in 2014 but it wasn’t identical–because I was aware of the fact that I was okay, that what was in danger was certain aspects of my identity/self-value that I treasured but not my entire personhood itself.)
Anyway, it hurt my feelings, and still hurts my feelings when I see it shared (it feels to me like a joke about my sexuality, although I understand other people don’t see it that way; but yeah, you don’t know much about my sexuality and I don’t really want you to but it feels like a joke about that to me, which just bums me out).
But all of that stuff is a side effect of my job and having been successful at it, and I like my job. It is a great job. All jobs have aspects that suck. My job has fewer such aspects than other jobs I’ve had.
So yeah, I did not quit tumblr because of the cock monologue. (I also did not ask tumblr to make reblogs un-editable.) .
I quit tumblr because a few people started to make extremely specific threats. One might, for instance, send me an ask that featured a google streetview screenshot of my home alongside a plan for breaking into it.
I was super scared of these people (or possible person pretending to be a few people?) because they seemed to have a lot of knowledge about me and my family. We lived in a normal middle-class neighborhood in Indianapolis and I felt very exposed and nervous all the time in my real life, and eventually the freaked-out feeling just got too big and that’s why I quit tumblr.
(Edited to add: I am aware that prominent people sometimes use death threats against them to portray themselves as victims and protect themselves against justified criticism for their bigotry or abusive behavior or whatever. I don’t want to do that; it’s important to note that I have a lot of resources and power and so was able to, for instance, move to decrease the threat, which a lot of people can’t do. But I also feel like not talking about the experience honestly has not really helped me or anyone.)
I SHOULD’VE quit tumblr much earlier–I needed to realize that people weren’t comfortable with me in their virtual spaces and that to them I came across as cringey or even creepy, but at the time, I wasn’t nearly self-aware enough to leave for any of those reasons, and plus there was a lot of pressure from movie studios etc to stay on the social Internet so I could continue to promote my books and the stuff around them. So I didn’t quit when I should’ve, and as a result had and caused quite a few negative experiences for people. I’m sorry about the role I had in causing those negative experiences. I should’ve had a better understanding of not just how I experienced myself but also how other people might experience me. That’s something i’ve worked on over the years but still come up short on sometimes.
At any rate, I might delete this later because it makes me feel a bit like all my nerves are exposed to the air but I did just want to clarify that the, like, Tumblr Legend of this whole thing is at minimum a bit over simplified.
me when one of my girlmutuals posts about how they got a little coffee beverage or took a nice walk or started a book they’ve been meaning to read for a while or otherwise found meaning and joy in simple pleasures
“I’m the one who calls out. I’m the one who corrects. I’m the one who rephrases. I’ve had plenty of people be like: you can’t tell me what to say. But if you’re allowed to say whatever you want, I’m allowed to react however I want. Right? Maybe my reaction is an attempt to correct you, but you’re allowed to take it or let it go. Maybe what you said seems trivial to you. But the little things are easier to fix. And they help build a foundation. So the bigger things are easier to address. And also: do the big things even matter if you don’t care about the small things? Obviously I can’t fight everything. You do have to pick your fights. And aggression never works. Because you want to win the war, and not just the battle. But one thing I’ll never let slide is pronouns. If someone is purposely using incorrect pronouns, that’s getting corrected, on the spot. It’s baseline respect. It’s like using a mean nickname or something. It’s just not nice, you know? I know you want to use whatever language you want, but maybe it’s not about you. Maybe I’m not trying to take away your freedom. Maybe I’m not trying to make you feel like a bad person. Maybe it’s more about: let’s not hurt the person it’s affecting, you know? I was very, very close to someone who had just started transitioning. And he did everything he could to pass as a man, because he is a man. But he still had some female features. And I was with him when someone misgendered him. I could tell that he was upset, so I followed him to his room. And I watched him just fall apart because of the dysphoria it caused. It’s like— you could have literally taken two seconds to choose the respectful word. But you didn’t. And look at the harm you just caused.”
also the way that the nimona movie showed that hate is a taught behavior?? the way that gloreth, the hero worshipped for slaying monsters, was fully accepting of nimona until her mother told her what to believe? until that generational bigotry was passed down? the way the director’s motive wasn’t even power like most evil government figureheads in media, but rather a fear of monsters destroying the kingdom because that hate had been instilled in her too, like it had in gloreth? the way ballister was also indoctrinated into hatred of “monsters” until he was just as outcast as one? because only then was he willing to change and learn?? and how even people with good hearts and good intentions like ballister and ambriosius and even the queen herself are still capable of perpetuating bigotry and unnecessary violence when they don’t take the time to understand or learn about the “others” they supposedly hate????????? i need to lie down
One thing I want to point out about nimona is that it captures tenderness in such a visceral way that I haven’t really seen in animation before? Like the way the characters curl into each other and melt makes me go INSANE
“I think when I’m old I’m going to have gray hair. It’s already turning gray, so I’ll definitely have gray hair. Maybe I’ll have bulked up at that point. My dad has skinny legs and arms, but he’s buff in the middle. So hopefully I’ll be that. I’ll probably just be sitting around. But not in a rocking chair or anything, just on the ground. Maybe in a boat. I think it would be cool to have a boat. I used to always make fun of straight dudes who talked about fishing. But now I’m thinking: maybe I should fish. Really learn to survive off the land. Like gut the fish myself and gross out the kids. Not my kids necessarily, but maybe my siblings’ kids, I’ll be the best worst uncle ever. I’m also hoping that I’ll have drawn a lot of stuff by then. Maybe even published a few books. And hopefully there will be a nice handful of people who really like my stuff. They’ll think it was a nice contribution to the world. And they’ll care when I die. But mainly I’m just glad I get to be an old man. I could never imagine myself as an old woman. Like, I couldn’t. So the future was just– nothing. But now I’m here. So I feel like I can’t be too upset about anything, you know? Because when I looked at the future, there was nothing. And now there’s something. And that’s everything.”
Spiderpunk’s color and texture changes are used to indicate his emotions. Heoften turns pink near Miles. The color pink is symbolic for honesty, compassion, and playfulness.
SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE (2023) dir. Joaquim Dos Santos, Kemp Powers, Justin K.
Perhaps the funniest thing that could have happened lately was that this anticapitalist cafe and community space near my place was shutting down near the end of May - but because so many Texas and Florida conservatives celebrated it online, the place got a huge donation to keep operating
It’s a great place. It functions mostly like a regular cafe but it has this free/pay what you want drip coffee for anyone who wants it, free bathroom use, and it stocks indie merch and books on antifascist, queer, leftist, socialist, indigenous topics. I’ve met a lot of awesome people there.
Its very existence enrages conservatives, and anarchocapitalists who tried to claim it only to be shown the middle finger by its anticapitalist owner, who is an all around nice dude (and a fellow Elden Ring fan)
If you can toss a coin to its continued operation, please do! Upon request from their followers on insta they opened a Gofundme. Even just a few dollars will be a huge help.
Nothing feels better than this self-righteous critic getting handed his own ass with the Editor’s Note
[image id: a screenshot of the editor’s note from the linked article that reads: Editor’s Note — May 23, 2023: After this story was published, it was announced that anti-capitalist cafe The Anarchist would remain open “thanks to a huge influx of support.”]
